For me, self-confidence starts with occupying space and holding your ground. I am not suggesting that the girls should be rude or disrespectful to others. Merely, that they should feel comfortable being present, respected, and acknowledged by their peers and by adults. There was an interesting study recently released that showed strong body posture and the amount of space you occupy greatly affects your self-image and likelihood of success.
So, as we walk down the narrow sidewalks of Florence I am constantly reminding the girls to hold their ground. Clearly, it is safer for an adult to step off of the sidewalk and into the street if the sidewalk is not wide enough for two people to pass. But, to achieve this the girls have had to learn to take the inside path, keep their shoulders back, and their head up. In short, they have had to learn to claim space.
They got to really practice claiming space and holding their ground the other night at the fireworks for St. John's day. Tens of thousands of residents and visitors cram the bridges over the Arno River to take in the beauty of the fireworks display. We were fortunate enough to get to the bridge by our flat early enough for a front row spot! As people started to roll in, the jockeying for position began. Bella is a natural at claiming space, a real chip off the old block. But, it was a great learning experience for Scarlett to not get pushed around. I told her that she should stand with her feet apart and lean against the wall of the bridge. The biggest obstacle was the mosquitos who were eating us alive. The girls were able to maintain their first rate view of the fireworks display with little help from me.
This evening proved to be a test of Bella's ability to hold her ground. After a day of lounging, we headed off to the park to play a little soccer. The park has two enclosures where kids and young adults tend to play soccer - they are more like clay tennis courts than a soccer pitch as we know it. Let me preface this all by saying that Bella is the ONLY girl that I have seen playing soccer at the park in the past month (Bella claims to have seen one other girl but she was very young). The boys don't quite know what to do with Bella and she doesn't yet have the confidence to both cross the language barrier AND ask to play with 10-12 boys her age.
So, this evening I was on one half of the big field with Bells practicing her shooting and a gang of boys was playing soccer on the other half of the field. I had to remind her at the beginning to just hold her ground and let them stay on the other half of the field - there is enough park there for everyone and she should not feel intimidated and leave what she is doing. Girl was in the zone and getting off some really powerful shots on goal. The most skilled boy was definitely watching Bella - I am not sure if he was sizing up her soccer abilities or just surprised to see a girl on the field. Scarlett was standing around looking all dejected so I decided I should go play on the monkey bars with her. A few minutes later, I turned around to check on Bells and wasn't she in the middle of the soccer game keeping those boys at bay. Turns out the really skilled boy had asked her to join his team! There was a few other boys on the team that she recognized from other nights in the park. My girl was feeling good to have been asked to be included in the boys' soccer game.
As we tackle simple things like navigating a sidewalk or the awkward stages of being a tween, the girls are learning to be present and be seen. They are also learning to respect themselves and demand respect from others. Watch out world, these girls are learning to hold their ground.
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